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Healing can suck. (But it's worth it)

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  Healing sucks. It’s painful, emotionally draining and just plain exhausting. Negative thoughts run through my head constantly - am I really experiencing this XX or am I being paranoid/sensitive/angry for an underlying issue from my past?  Every one of those thoughts and emotions is dissected and redirected into something rational and hopefully, something positive. I had been dealing with low self-esteem and feelings of not being wanted, being excluded from groups and gatherings of my peers for the past few months. Some of those people avoiding me when they see me. I didn’t know why. I never cared to fit in with cliques and I’m known to not kiss ass to be welcomed or liked. So why does it bug me so much now? I never fit in. I was bi-racial in a country that was so racist, that in the 90s people would refuse to sit in my seat when I gave it up to an elder (literally anyone older than me). I was never invited to anyone’s house. New neighbors didn’t bring over rice cake per traditi
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100K + 6 miles = New PR

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The scary and frustrating aspect of racing is that it can be unpredictable.  You can follow the training program to the letter, stick to your rest days, fit in strength training and have your nutrition on point. But on race day, your body can say "Not Today" BTS I've had enough of those race days that I don't like to talk about my goals - time or distance- before I race so as not to jinx it.  And I've hardly had much luck at this race. The first year, my feet got so swollen I could hardly put my shoes on. I called it once I reached 40M - short of 10 miles. Another year, I had to stop at 14 hours because my hip went out.... This year, it was my ITB. To be completely transparent, I had woken up with neck pain a few weeks prior. It would go away and come back - on repeat. Setting up my home base for the next 24 hours In the back of my mind, I had a goal of 100K. Something I've been attempting for a few years unsuccessfully. And then to run as much
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Poor Decisions Make for Better Stories

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My friend Billy wanted to do a 50M. And not just any 50M; one of the hardest 50M (56M) races.  I was still riding the post-Ironbaby high (that time I did an indoor 140.6 by myself) so I happily agreed to join him in GA in May. Never mind that I don't have many hills where I live. To get a nice hike in, it's about an hour drive. And that state park is closed for most of the training months since it's winter in Wisconsin.  My training consisted of hill running with snowshoes on whenever I had the chance, hill repeats in general and lots of stair climbing, mixed with high-incline runs and fast walks.  The entire training period, I had a lot of doubts. I had days when I knew I was going to crush it and those training days when I thought the race will crush me and I'll end up as the sherpa. And for a time, I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to do this race due to health issues. I think that was what I needed to fuel that fire. Every athlete knows that
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Oh hell no, I paid to use that porta potty

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I witnessed a race bandit for the first time yesterday and hopefully the last. There was a man and a woman in front of me. It was made obvious that he was slowing down for her (he also had an Ice Age buff on so he's not new to long distance racing). Once we hit Wales, WI (not yet halfway on course), another woman came up to the 2 ahead of me. I first took her as a friend there to cheer her on but then noticed she had a hydration pack on and started running w her (no bib). I was in shock for the most part, but ultimately decided not to make a big deal about it. Until the next aid station. As I headed to the porta potty, I noticed she was about to do the same thing. I rushed to beat her there (f*@& that, I paid to use that) and came out to both of them waiting. That's when I got pissed off. Had I stayed behind them, I would be waiting for someone who didn't pay for the convenience of a porta potty along the run. As I continued to run, I debated this situatio
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Light Up Your Wildest Dreams

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The last few days have been a blur. Mostly due to lack of sleep and my body wondering WTF just happened. But I will never forget the moment I listened to my voicemail when I woke up. “Dye, happy Monday. It’s Mike Reilly…” My heart just stopped. In my groggy state, I wasn’t sure I heard that right, so I started it over as I read the transcript along with it. “I heard you did it all indoors...to do something like that it’s mind over matter...So from me to you, as I love to do, DYE..YOU ARE AN IRONMAN...” As I listen to it again, I’m in tears. It feels like a dream. The last few weeks have been full of ups and downs but what a tremendous lesson I’ve learned. How much I really wanted this. Not the title or being able to say I did an Ironman distance. But to know I could do it. All of the training and preparation wasn’t for nothing. And the fantastic support I have in my life. I am in a state of gratefulness. (PS That phone call from Mike Reilly was facilitated by my friend, Billy. You ma
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It looks like broken dreams - Ironman Chattanooga Pt 2

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photo credit Billy S The morning started off like any other race day: early morning alarm with 5 minutes in bed wondering why I decided this was a good idea. I quickly changed into my swimsuit and snuck out of the hotel room for my pre-race swim (if you missed Part 1 , the swim portion of the Ironman had been canceled) I saw that Billy and Gerry were already there and we got to work. I swam for 45 minutes before I couldn't take the burning of the chlorine on my skin and lips. And because it was small and not a lap pool, I kept hitting my hand on the ledges and scraping myself. I still had a race to finish that day. So I wished the guys a great race day and headed back. Gerry (center), Billy (right)  My girl Danyell drove me down to the start and waited with me until transition opened. I also saw my partner-in-Chattanooga-adventures, Greg. We did our first and second 70.3 here (he went onto his 3rd this past year) and now our first full Ironman. What a journey
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