Run Eat Tri Yogi

  Healing sucks. It’s painful, emotionally draining and just plain exhausting. Negative thoughts run through my head constantly - am I really experiencing this XX or am I being paranoid/sensitive/angry for an underlying issue from my past?  Every one of those thoughts and emotions is dissected and redirected into something rational and hopefully, something positive. I had been dealing with low self-esteem and feelings of not being wanted, being excluded from groups and gatherings of my peers for the past few months. Some of those people avoiding me when they see me. I didn’t know why. I never cared to fit in with cliques and I’m known to not kiss ass to be welcomed or liked. So why does it bug me so much now? I never fit in. I was bi-racial in a country that was so racist, that in the 90s people would refuse to sit in my seat when I gave it up to an elder (literally anyone older than me). I was never invited to anyone’s house. New neighbors didn’t bring over rice cake pe...

I finished my last brick workout today and unexpectedly, I broke down in tears. That's it. Now it's onto race week. And then race day. All those months of training have flown by. What seemed like a distant (crazy) goal to train for is finally within sight. All those hours plugging away on my training, sore & hating myself for signing up for this challenge ... I sat down on the porch to take it all in. It feels like awaiting a trip to Disney World and the death chamber at the same time. The taper madness... I thought I was ready. Believe me, I was physically exhausted and more than ready to rest! I'd been looking forward to these weeks and let my body reset after beating it up all the way up to peak training month. Here's the madness aspect of the taper. The mind argues that it wasn't enough. It's telling me I still have ways to go."What makes you think you can even toe the starting line?" It makes me question even my strongest training days....

I wrote about what living with depression and anxiety is like in my post " Depression Hit Me Hard Today"   But I want to keep the conversation going. Like the #MeToo movement, this topic needs to be continued and be brought up until we treat it like any other illness that can be seen.  I know too many people who struggle with mental health issues that are hesitant to say anything because of the stigma. **And by the way, the following story isn't to bash police officers. Seriously, those who took offense to my Facebook post on this can stay gone.** I had a complete meltdown in my car a few days ago.  I got pulled over for going 2 MPH over the speed limit on the interstate. A small thing, right? Frustrating for sure. Especially since I was in near panic up to an hour earlier from dodging others doing their own high-speed chases. 2.over.the.speed.limit. It didn't help that I then got an earful from the officer about where I pulled over (side of passing lane "I...

I was talking to someone about how hard it was to lose weight and she said, "It's HARD. You know how hard it is... well, but you're so skinny..." implying that because I've lost the weight, I don't know how difficult weight loss can be.  I get these kind of comments all the time.  And in a way, I get it. I've had similar thoughts of "skinny" people -- what do they know? "The problem doesn't go away when you lose the weight. Food is always there and I HAVE to eat" is my usual response.  But it's upsetting how people try to make you feel bad for now being "skinny".  I worked for the weight loss. I didn't just decide one way to lose weight and it came off.  And by the way, I don't consider myself "skinny". I know I'm healthy but I still feel like my overweight self most of the time and that's mainly because I'm still working on my mindset. At work, I wear a tag that informs you how much I...

I saw a few posts yesterday that mentioned September was Suicide Awareness Month. I don't know how I missed that...  Late to the game as usual and to be honest, I was a little bit relieved. It meant I didn't have to face my history of depression and suicide attempts.  I could continue to go on as if that was and is no longer my life. Why deal with things when you can just shrug it off and move on?  Because it helps no one. And to not say something is to take the gift I was given and toss it aside - all because it'd be more comfortable to not address it. So please allow my late entrance to this discussion and maybe keep the conversation going. I wasn't completely oblivious to the subject of suicide on social media. I was thankful to see the "Faces of Suicide" being posted. I apparently didn't get the clues but something moved me while seeing those posts. 6th grade That was me around 13yrs of age. In less than a year, I would make multipl...

"You should write a book!" is often the response I get when I share some details of my past. Whether they're fascinated by how I was moved around most of my life or finding out about some of the traumas I've gone through, it usually ends with them encouraging me to write a book. I've wanted to for years. Though I'm glad I never followed through in my earlier years  - not because I didn't want to share my story but because my story had barely begun. Now, as I shuffle through all the paperwork of my past, it seems like a good time to dip my toes into this mess I called my past. Like a good little bride, I waited until the last minute to get ready for the big day. No? Just me? With a little over 2 months to go, I needed to find my Certification of Birth Abroad (no birth certificate) along with proof of address to get my marriage license.  It turns out I have nothing "official" (besides my living, breathing body) to show that I was born. How d...

Races tend to fall between hard and easy. There are some where it just seems to flow and others where you're gritting your teeth and wondering what made you sign up for this race. Or any race. Why even run anyway?  I'm somewhere in-between the two. I ran this race last year as a birthday gift and told the director I'll be back to run it on my actual birthday 4/1. We drove down to Brookfield/Delafield the night before, forgetting that we'd be arriving in the area right about 4:30-5pm on Friday night, just in time for the traffic! Packet pick up was a breeze and once we ate our dinner, we headed to the hotel where I started the obsession into what I'd wear tomorrow. Checking the hourly temps by the hour... I think this was one of the few times I got a decent night of sleep before a race! We arrived at the Schuetz recreation center in time for me to stop by the drop-bag table and then we just waited. I was restless so I kept going back and forth from the bath...

Ambassador - info below ++         ICEBREAKER INDOOR MARATHON 1/29/17 My last race was in November 2016 and I enjoyed every minute of my "off season". Off season = mostly 70.3 training and less focus on high mileage. It was all about brick workouts and gaining my endurance back on the bike and swim. It wasn't until the new year that I realized I had not done any runs over 13.1 miles. I was so used to racing every month and not having to keep up with my long runs.  The frigid Wisconsin weather didn't help at all either. I love running in cold temps but attempting 15+ miles out on ice, slush, mounds of snow and -25F wind chill temps don't mix well. I had to focus on time on feet training vs mileage training. Several 3 hour runs still didn't feel like I'd done enough! But race weekend was here and it was time to test out my training so far. I was hoping all those hours on the bike and the brick workouts would somehow carry over to marathon...

My biggest concern about Chicago was that it was a road race; I'm a trail runner. Even if you put me on a paved road, I will make my way to the side and run on gravel/grass/dirt. My other concern was how my ITB would hold up after my 50M a few weeks ago. When I last ran Chicago in 2014, I had so many injuries with ITB flare up being one of them that I was worried about running this one injury free.  About a 2 weeks before the race, I realized I should have added more road running to my training... I treated myself to room at the Congress hotel, which I knew was near the start/finish. What I didn't realize was that it was right across the street!  What a treat after my last experience where I got up at 3am to catch multiple trains and walking in the dark/cold just to get to the start line.  I highly recommend saving up some moola to treat yourself to a hotel right near the start/finish in Chicago.  I'd also reserved my parking through Park Whiz near the ...