Run Eat Tri Yogi

  Healing sucks. It’s painful, emotionally draining and just plain exhausting. Negative thoughts run through my head constantly - am I really experiencing this XX or am I being paranoid/sensitive/angry for an underlying issue from my past?  Every one of those thoughts and emotions is dissected and redirected into something rational and hopefully, something positive. I had been dealing with low self-esteem and feelings of not being wanted, being excluded from groups and gatherings of my peers for the past few months. Some of those people avoiding me when they see me. I didn’t know why. I never cared to fit in with cliques and I’m known to not kiss ass to be welcomed or liked. So why does it bug me so much now? I never fit in. I was bi-racial in a country that was so racist, that in the 90s people would refuse to sit in my seat when I gave it up to an elder (literally anyone older than me). I was never invited to anyone’s house. New neighbors didn’t bring over rice cake pe...

The last few days have been a blur. Mostly due to lack of sleep and my body wondering WTF just happened. But I will never forget the moment I listened to my voicemail when I woke up. “Dye, happy Monday. It’s Mike Reilly…” My heart just stopped. In my groggy state, I wasn’t sure I heard that right, so I started it over as I read the transcript along with it. “I heard you did it all indoors...to do something like that it’s mind over matter...So from me to you, as I love to do, DYE..YOU ARE AN IRONMAN...” As I listen to it again, I’m in tears. It feels like a dream. The last few weeks have been full of ups and downs but what a tremendous lesson I’ve learned. How much I really wanted this. Not the title or being able to say I did an Ironman distance. But to know I could do it. All of the training and preparation wasn’t for nothing. And the fantastic support I have in my life. I am in a state of gratefulness. (PS That phone call from Mike Reilly was facilitated by my friend, Billy. You ma...

"Depression hit me hard today," I thought to myself as I was heading off to bed. It was a reminder that what I'm feeling and thinking aren't "normal". I'm extra sensitive to people's expressions, words and my own negative thoughts during days like these. Imagine a flatline on the heart monitor and then a jolt of energy showing up. Except that jolt is the complete opposite of energy. It completely saps me of mine and I feel like I'm in a tar pit, trying to make my way out. I made a mental note to just let it all pass - sometimes it only lasts a day and hoped the next day would be lighter. Day 2... I wake up even more tired and immediately feel anxious. But I don't know why. I make my way to the bathroom and feel this cloud of dread over me. I just want to cradle my head in my hands and cry in the dark bathroom. I try to get a handle on this situation before it gets worse. What is it about today? What happened last night that may have spill...

"Oh no, what happened?" is my usual reply, thinking they have an injury.  The reply from the other person usually goes along like "Well, it's not that I can't. But I don't. I don't like it and don't want to do it." I get it. You have no idea how much I get it. That was me most of my life. Remember those 1-mile runs in gym class? Day from hell. Always the last one with the gym teacher calling out, "You can just walk the last lap." It didn't help that I needed an inhaler for most active sports. Even after I lost 49lbs (yes, the OCD in me hates that odd number too), I had no desire to run. "Why would I run when I can just walk the same distance and not be in pain? Or hate myself?" I had lost most of my weight with changing my diet and walking; I felt no need to change anything. In fact, I was one of those people who would get angry over your running posts. Seriously, why? Why would anyone want to put themselves throu...

I was talking to someone about how hard it was to lose weight and she said, "It's HARD. You know how hard it is... well, but you're so skinny..." implying that because I've lost the weight, I don't know how difficult weight loss can be.  I get these kind of comments all the time.  And in a way, I get it. I've had similar thoughts of "skinny" people -- what do they know? "The problem doesn't go away when you lose the weight. Food is always there and I HAVE to eat" is my usual response.  But it's upsetting how people try to make you feel bad for now being "skinny".  I worked for the weight loss. I didn't just decide one way to lose weight and it came off.  And by the way, I don't consider myself "skinny". I know I'm healthy but I still feel like my overweight self most of the time and that's mainly because I'm still working on my mindset. At work, I wear a tag that informs you how much I...

Disclaimer: I received a free entry to ECSWI race as part of being a BibRave Pro. Learn more about becoming a BibRave Pro (ambassador), and check out BibRave.com to review find and write race reviews! I've had a few days to let this race sink in. I was hovering between the highest of runner's high -- successfully completing one of the most anticipated races of my running season -- and exhaustion of completing the race and decompressing once we returned home. I had run this event 3 years in a row before I received a free entry for this year and I had planned on running it again anyway! I had signed up 4 years ago to do my first 50k here (but then I got anxious and ran a 50k beforehand!) and it was also here that I ran my first 50M with my running friends. My daughters and I had an opportunity to meet Dean Karnazes at my first pre-race panel and it's something they'll never forget.  I knew this year would be just as amazing. Packet pick up & Pre-race ...