Run Eat Tri Yogi

  Healing sucks. It’s painful, emotionally draining and just plain exhausting. Negative thoughts run through my head constantly - am I really experiencing this XX or am I being paranoid/sensitive/angry for an underlying issue from my past?  Every one of those thoughts and emotions is dissected and redirected into something rational and hopefully, something positive. I had been dealing with low self-esteem and feelings of not being wanted, being excluded from groups and gatherings of my peers for the past few months. Some of those people avoiding me when they see me. I didn’t know why. I never cared to fit in with cliques and I’m known to not kiss ass to be welcomed or liked. So why does it bug me so much now? I never fit in. I was bi-racial in a country that was so racist, that in the 90s people would refuse to sit in my seat when I gave it up to an elder (literally anyone older than me). I was never invited to anyone’s house. New neighbors didn’t bring over rice cake pe...

I finished my last brick workout today and unexpectedly, I broke down in tears. That's it. Now it's onto race week. And then race day. All those months of training have flown by. What seemed like a distant (crazy) goal to train for is finally within sight. All those hours plugging away on my training, sore & hating myself for signing up for this challenge ... I sat down on the porch to take it all in. It feels like awaiting a trip to Disney World and the death chamber at the same time. The taper madness... I thought I was ready. Believe me, I was physically exhausted and more than ready to rest! I'd been looking forward to these weeks and let my body reset after beating it up all the way up to peak training month. Here's the madness aspect of the taper. The mind argues that it wasn't enough. It's telling me I still have ways to go."What makes you think you can even toe the starting line?" It makes me question even my strongest training days....

I wrote about what living with depression and anxiety is like in my post " Depression Hit Me Hard Today"   But I want to keep the conversation going. Like the #MeToo movement, this topic needs to be continued and be brought up until we treat it like any other illness that can be seen.  I know too many people who struggle with mental health issues that are hesitant to say anything because of the stigma. **And by the way, the following story isn't to bash police officers. Seriously, those who took offense to my Facebook post on this can stay gone.** I had a complete meltdown in my car a few days ago.  I got pulled over for going 2 MPH over the speed limit on the interstate. A small thing, right? Frustrating for sure. Especially since I was in near panic up to an hour earlier from dodging others doing their own high-speed chases. 2.over.the.speed.limit. It didn't help that I then got an earful from the officer about where I pulled over (side of passing lane "I...

"Oh no, what happened?" is my usual reply, thinking they have an injury.  The reply from the other person usually goes along like "Well, it's not that I can't. But I don't. I don't like it and don't want to do it." I get it. You have no idea how much I get it. That was me most of my life. Remember those 1-mile runs in gym class? Day from hell. Always the last one with the gym teacher calling out, "You can just walk the last lap." It didn't help that I needed an inhaler for most active sports. Even after I lost 49lbs (yes, the OCD in me hates that odd number too), I had no desire to run. "Why would I run when I can just walk the same distance and not be in pain? Or hate myself?" I had lost most of my weight with changing my diet and walking; I felt no need to change anything. In fact, I was one of those people who would get angry over your running posts. Seriously, why? Why would anyone want to put themselves throu...

I was talking to someone about how hard it was to lose weight and she said, "It's HARD. You know how hard it is... well, but you're so skinny..." implying that because I've lost the weight, I don't know how difficult weight loss can be.  I get these kind of comments all the time.  And in a way, I get it. I've had similar thoughts of "skinny" people -- what do they know? "The problem doesn't go away when you lose the weight. Food is always there and I HAVE to eat" is my usual response.  But it's upsetting how people try to make you feel bad for now being "skinny".  I worked for the weight loss. I didn't just decide one way to lose weight and it came off.  And by the way, I don't consider myself "skinny". I know I'm healthy but I still feel like my overweight self most of the time and that's mainly because I'm still working on my mindset. At work, I wear a tag that informs you how much I...

Disclaimer: I received a free entry to Madison Mini Marathon as part of being a BibRave Pro. Learn more about becoming a BibRave Pro (ambassador), and check out BibRave.com to review find and write race reviews!" If you've been following along on this race weekend, you know how the race ended. And we'll definitely get to that! And if you've been following me (and paying attention at all), you know that I am NOT a road runner. I pretty much gave that up once I discovered ultras and trail running. So let me fill you in on the fun before and during the race. As my disclaimer states, I did receive a free entry to this race. I had originally planned on doing another triathlon that same weekend but I decided to go with Madison Mini Marathon instead. And thank goodness I did! Not only would I not be ready for another tri with my ankle issues (open swim, no pull buoy) but I would have missed out on some great memories. I drove down to Madison late afternoon and...

My left ankle has been the bane of my existence ever since it happened in late May. I lost out on a lot of miles in running/cycling and leg days. My only reassurance was the 20 miler I got in a few weeks beforehand. Should be good, right? I couldn't NOT run this race. This was THE race. The one that got me started in ultra running. Message with Chris (yes, I have his permission to use this!) Bib pick up, first year.  4 years ago, I was preparing for my 3rd official (4th unofficial) marathon and one that would get me qualified for marathon maniacs when I joked about running the 50K distance instead. I had just finished reading Dean Karanzes RUN! and the idea of running an ultra myself seemed insane. Few people egged me on and said I was more than ready for my first ultra to which I laughed and laughed. This was considered a tough trail course. The website bragged on about how tough this was and having had zero experience on trails, I wasn't even sure about running th...