No one pays attention until I become a raving lunatic

I actually started writing this last week as I was in the midst of updating my dusty resume and writing up a new cover letter for a position that I have no professional experience in (but plenty of personal experience!) but I couldn't focus on the task at hand.

Because I knew I missed a few items from my last grocery shopping trip and I couldn't remember what it was or if it was even important - can it wait until the next time I remember? Because I heard my little one dumping out her Legos when she should've be getting started on her school work. I had cold coffee in the other room but I was "too busy" to stop what I was doing to grab it because I know I'd get distracted by something else and not come back to my computer. I also had 4 hours to finish 2hr bike + 3 mile run before cleaning up and getting my kids off to their friend's house.

I recently saw a video from That's Inappropriate - the mom trying to explain how she was just one person - doing everything. Her husband had asked her what she'd been doing as she was coming in with groceries and it was an epic video. "I will tell you what I've been doing all day and you're not going to like it." Try this link 

I am emotionally and physically exhausted. If the crying (quietly in the laundry room) wasn't an indicator, the emotional-stress eating definitely is showing.  The final straw was this morning when I woke up past the time I was supposed to be logged online to work. While I frantically logged online, I realized he'd called in sick, which is why his alarm didn't go off.

By "sick", I mean he got the cold I'd had a few weeks ago. Right after I went through a week of the flu. 

This post isn't to bitch about my husband or my kids. I love them to the moon and back (most of the time), but they each have their own special way of making me feel unappreciated most days.  They are not horrible people, by any means. But they honestly just suck at showing concern or appreciation.

I have 2 employers but several job titles, so I'm often running from one shift to the next. Even on days when I have less than an hour in-between shifts, I'll stop in at home and check on everyone, start dinner and rush back to work.  You know what I come home to? Messy kitchen, food still on counter/stove, things dropped/left on the floor, trash overflowing... 

I had even had someone knock my contacts off the counter and leave it there. 3 people, one main bathroom that everyone uses and no one could be bothered to pick up the lens case.

We have a severe case of "no one" did it, saw it or uses it much (yes, my husband used that when I brought up the bathroom garbage overflowing).

The basket outside the laundry room because no one could put the items IN the laundry room. I give up.

So, my dear husband has been in bed all day, and all I can think is "I somehow managed to survive the flu and cold back to back, work all my shifts, study (and pass my NASM CPT!), grocery shop, cook and keep the house running." 

If only there was a place to hang these up...

When I posted something about this on various social media, I got a lot of feedback on women. It seems to be a common theme among us. One of my favorite blogs is from Love That Max "I am the person who notices we are running out of toilet paper, and I rock: A tribute to moms everywhere"

Close...

Here are some examples that stick out in my mind. Let me know which sound familiar or your own stories:

1) I got sick of waiting for someone to change the bathroom garbage - it was overflowing and tissues mounting up on the side. My OCD issues with germs couldn't handle it anymore. My husband had been on vacation for the past few days, and he takes full advantage (I'm quite envious of how he can just "shut off"). Mr. Obvious walked by and points out what I'm doing. I respond, "I couldn't handle it anymore. I thought maybe someone would finally get grossed out by this too and change it." To which he replied, "Well, I figured I don't use it much."  He said that. He really did.

I had a moment of "This is my forever. I agreed to 'til death do us part' with this guy." But I calmly replied, "Yeah, no "one person" uses the trash but only one person (pointing at myself) cleans it up." He mumbled and walk away.

To be fair, I did just say to replace the roll. Nothing more.

2) Last Mother's Day, I had to get up to make the coffee. Because it would've been rude to just make it for myself, I made a cup for my hubby too. I did point out that I fully expect coffee in bed for Father's Day and just let that one go... I decided to go for a run and spent a few hours out on the trails.  When I got home, the house was a wreck. No one had done the chores, and 2 out of 3 people in my family were taking naps. Sometime later that day, my oldest said: "Oh yeah, Happy Mothers Day."  I'm sure my husband had said "Happy Mother's Day" in the morning. I wasn't expecting much really. I'm not the type to expect extravagant gestures or gifts. I'd been a single mom for over 10 years, and obviously, there was no one there to make sure my day was special. I did at least get hugs and homemade cards from my girls when they were old enough. 

3) After being sick for few weeks, I drove out of town to take my NASM CPT. It was a hell of a day, with my right contact falling out and having to drive the remainder of the day and taking the test with one functioning eye. I passed! And you know what I did on the way home? Went grocery shopping to pick up easy-to-make dinner for us when I got home. 

Later that night, I was teasing my husband and said something along the lines of "you take a long time to get bothered by someone/something, unlike me." His reply was "Yeah, that's why I don't go around yelling all day."

Seriously. All day? All.day. ??  Was it when I reminded the girls to do their one job that morning, and I had to keep nagging at them to do it? Was it when they dropped something right next to the garbage and left it there, and I had them pick it up? Was it when I just came home with a trunk full of groceries, and I had to "yell" for everyone to come and help me unload them? Was it any of the times when I had to keep shit together, so our home didn't become a house of horrors?  Was it when I wouldn't let my teenager talk to me in a tone that was disrespectful, and I refused to let her slide?

Because I'm more than willing to give up those jobs. YOU take over. YOU decide if it's worth "yelling" at someone to pick up their mess (or any mess) incessantly vs. just doing it (which means cleaning throughout the day or night). YOU do the yelling and be the bad guy.

Because I'm tired. I work too. I'm trying to raise good kids. And to keep up with my training. And keep this house in somewhat clean while constantly worrying and remembering everyone's needs/wants in my head. It may require me to do some yelling but I swear no one pays any attention until I lose my freaking mind and sound like a lunatic. Half in tears and steam coming out of my ears. And then they wonder "What's her problem?"

I do love them though. And I'll continue to care for and worry about each of them. But let's face it...

What was your breaking point?