Yeah, no I can't run.
"Oh no, what happened?" is my usual reply, thinking they have an injury. The reply from the other person usually goes along like "Well, it's not that I can't. But I don't. I don't like it and don't want to do it."
I get it. You have no idea how much I get it. That was me most of my life. Remember those 1-mile runs in gym class? Day from hell. Always the last one with the gym teacher calling out, "You can just walk the last lap." It didn't help that I needed an inhaler for most active sports.
Even after I lost 49lbs (yes, the OCD in me hates that odd number too), I had no desire to run. "Why would I run when I can just walk the same distance and not be in pain? Or hate myself?" I had lost most of my weight with changing my diet and walking; I felt no need to change anything.
In fact, I was one of those people who would get angry over your running posts. Seriously, why? Why would anyone want to put themselves through that agony? Why do you feel the need to post it? I was so anti-running that the only reason I took it up was to prove that running and racing does not change your life. I kept seeing those damn articles everywhere "I ran a 5k, and it changed my life." Shut uuupppp.
Shortly after deciding to show people how ridiculous they were about this running business, I saw a flyer for a 3k at our local community college. About a mile... ok. I can handle that so I downloaded the C25K app and thought about starting my training. I had zero motivation. Even if it was to prove I was right.
Then I found out I couldn't run that race due to scheduling conflicts -- and the only other race nearby was a 6k. 6 freaking K. That's double what I'd intended! So I started training and by training, I mean take 12 steps before catching my breath and shuffling the rest of the block before walking. I could never keep up with the app. I was also a smoker at that time as well. It took weeks before I could run a full block. I hated it. It was just as hard as I'd remembered. But I had paid for that race, and I couldn't just quit. I only had about 2 months to "train" for this race, and I hated every single run/walk. But the challenge kept bringing me back (that and that registration fee I'd mentioned).
This was spring of 2013, and a horrific event happened in Boston. It moved me as a human and an American but not quite as a runner. I had a work event in Boston the week after the bombing, and it was a humbling experience. "Boston Strong" ~ I understood it after my visit. And it stuck with me.
My race was just a few weeks after my weekend in Boston. Like the ultimate beginner, I wore a cotton t-shirt (and a regular bra... smh), yoga pants and a pair of cheap running shoes from Shopko. (Step above Walmart, but not quite Target for you non-Wisconsinites!) I had my phone ready with the Runkeeper app to keep track of my time. I had no intention of winning but just to cross the finish line without dying, but I lined up right at the front anyway. I had no idea!!
Then we were off. I ran hard that day, and though I had never run the entire distance, I decided not to walk (except to grab water halfway). My lungs and legs were on fire, but soon I saw the sign for 5k. Almost there but couldn't quite do the math in my head. I remember rounding the corner to see the finish line, and it was the most amazing feeling to see my daughters as I crossed that line.
Holy crap. I just did that. I did a thing where I ran -- I RAN-- and crossed a finish line. And people I didn't know were cheering for me and congratulating me as I walked towards my daughters. It was surreal. At that moment, I vowed to run the Boston Marathon the next year.
<<record scratch>>
I did not know you had to qualify. People TRY to qualify for a running event?? I also did not know what the actual distance of a marathon was.
But I wasn't deterred. I found a marathon training plan that seemed reasonable and started on my new journey. I continued to run 5ks each month, even placing at the events. I also worked on quitting my smoking habit. It took several months, but I finally kicked it by fall. Most importantly, I found my new therapy. Many runners have expressed this as well.
All the years of pent up rage, sadness, and confusion regarding my past were used as fuel for my tough runs and races. I've sprinted towards many finish lines as I imagined giving every single adult who abused me and gave up on me. It was my "F*ck you, look at me now" to them. I was running my own life.
My "Never-do" became my "Never going back." I happily admit I was wrong ~ it did change my life.
You may never pick up running. There's nothing wrong with that. But what's something you've thought about but has always scared you? Or maybe the thought of it annoyed the hell out of you.
DO it. Try it anyway. You never know how it could affect your life. If you haven't already, I hope you find your passion in life.
And for you runners, keep posting. It may annoy people but do it anyway. Continue to inspire - or annoy. It may just spark something ;)
~ Dye
PS. I did run a marathon the following year. And then another, and another....
I get it. You have no idea how much I get it. That was me most of my life. Remember those 1-mile runs in gym class? Day from hell. Always the last one with the gym teacher calling out, "You can just walk the last lap." It didn't help that I needed an inhaler for most active sports.
Even after I lost 49lbs (yes, the OCD in me hates that odd number too), I had no desire to run. "Why would I run when I can just walk the same distance and not be in pain? Or hate myself?" I had lost most of my weight with changing my diet and walking; I felt no need to change anything.
In fact, I was one of those people who would get angry over your running posts. Seriously, why? Why would anyone want to put themselves through that agony? Why do you feel the need to post it? I was so anti-running that the only reason I took it up was to prove that running and racing does not change your life. I kept seeing those damn articles everywhere "I ran a 5k, and it changed my life." Shut uuupppp.
Shortly after deciding to show people how ridiculous they were about this running business, I saw a flyer for a 3k at our local community college. About a mile... ok. I can handle that so I downloaded the C25K app and thought about starting my training. I had zero motivation. Even if it was to prove I was right.
Then I found out I couldn't run that race due to scheduling conflicts -- and the only other race nearby was a 6k. 6 freaking K. That's double what I'd intended! So I started training and by training, I mean take 12 steps before catching my breath and shuffling the rest of the block before walking. I could never keep up with the app. I was also a smoker at that time as well. It took weeks before I could run a full block. I hated it. It was just as hard as I'd remembered. But I had paid for that race, and I couldn't just quit. I only had about 2 months to "train" for this race, and I hated every single run/walk. But the challenge kept bringing me back (that and that registration fee I'd mentioned).
This was spring of 2013, and a horrific event happened in Boston. It moved me as a human and an American but not quite as a runner. I had a work event in Boston the week after the bombing, and it was a humbling experience. "Boston Strong" ~ I understood it after my visit. And it stuck with me.
My race was just a few weeks after my weekend in Boston. Like the ultimate beginner, I wore a cotton t-shirt (and a regular bra... smh), yoga pants and a pair of cheap running shoes from Shopko. (Step above Walmart, but not quite Target for you non-Wisconsinites!) I had my phone ready with the Runkeeper app to keep track of my time. I had no intention of winning but just to cross the finish line without dying, but I lined up right at the front anyway. I had no idea!!
Then we were off. I ran hard that day, and though I had never run the entire distance, I decided not to walk (except to grab water halfway). My lungs and legs were on fire, but soon I saw the sign for 5k. Almost there but couldn't quite do the math in my head. I remember rounding the corner to see the finish line, and it was the most amazing feeling to see my daughters as I crossed that line.
Holy crap. I just did that. I did a thing where I ran -- I RAN-- and crossed a finish line. And people I didn't know were cheering for me and congratulating me as I walked towards my daughters. It was surreal. At that moment, I vowed to run the Boston Marathon the next year.
<<record scratch>>
I did not know you had to qualify. People TRY to qualify for a running event?? I also did not know what the actual distance of a marathon was.
But I wasn't deterred. I found a marathon training plan that seemed reasonable and started on my new journey. I continued to run 5ks each month, even placing at the events. I also worked on quitting my smoking habit. It took several months, but I finally kicked it by fall. Most importantly, I found my new therapy. Many runners have expressed this as well.
All the years of pent up rage, sadness, and confusion regarding my past were used as fuel for my tough runs and races. I've sprinted towards many finish lines as I imagined giving every single adult who abused me and gave up on me. It was my "F*ck you, look at me now" to them. I was running my own life.
My "Never-do" became my "Never going back." I happily admit I was wrong ~ it did change my life.
You may never pick up running. There's nothing wrong with that. But what's something you've thought about but has always scared you? Or maybe the thought of it annoyed the hell out of you.
DO it. Try it anyway. You never know how it could affect your life. If you haven't already, I hope you find your passion in life.
And for you runners, keep posting. It may annoy people but do it anyway. Continue to inspire - or annoy. It may just spark something ;)
~ Dye
PS. I did run a marathon the following year. And then another, and another....
This is such an inspiring story. I think I started running and racing my first 5k not too far off from when you started. Lol and I ran so hard my lungs and legs were on fire. But with the adrenaline I kept pushing..and I pushed hard. No medal at the finish. Only those who placed got a medal. I stood around because I needed to catch my breath and be able to rehydrate. While standing there the announcer announce the winner. And I couldn't believe my own ears when my name was called. I placed first in my age group. And girl, that got me hooked. I wanted to run Boston as well. Lol, one day. But now injured. I feel like I have to start from the bottom again. Walking hurts, but I couldn't just sit still. Thanks for this post. I needed this right now. A reminder that I started and now I'm here. It's a minor setback, but I'll get back there again.
ReplyDeleteWow - placing in your very first race?!?! You rock, lady! I hope you recover soon ~ you'll be back kicking butt soon enough!
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