It's (almost) my birthday and I'll cry if I want to...

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I'm not sure why my birthday torments me each year.
You'd think that by my survival and making it another year would make me feel victorious, indeed!
But it actually puts me in a state of depression, something I've been struggling to overcome.

Those who know me well know that I don't just take things in life. If I don't like something, I will do whatever it takes to change it.  My emotional roller coaster around my birthday (and a lot of holidays) has had me perplexed.

As I had a complete meltdown today- alone in the house - I realized that my vulnerable state gives Satan a tiny opening to feed lies into my head.  He doesn't want me to be happy -- I SHOULD be miserable, angry and depressed. After all, he worked so hard to torment me and break me down.
This is my weak moment because my emotions are just overloaded.

But here is something he cannot take away.  I am a survivor.  I have gone through some cruel abuse a child and adolescent - a human being, in general - can go through.
Today, I finally looked up the statistics of survivors like me.  I don't know why I never wanted to see them... I was ready to face them today.


Today, despite my troubles and loneliness -- I choose to feel blessed.
Instead of crying, I will thank God. Instead of eating my emotions, I will respect my body and not treat it like a garbage disposal.  If I do indulge, it will be just that -- just a small indulgence.

I will try my best to have a blessed day.

Have a blessed day yourself ~
Dye
#benonhuman

***Individuals who reported six or more adverse childhood experiences had an average life expectancy two decades shorter than those who reported none. 5
Ischemic heart disease (IHD), Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), liver disease and other health-related quality of life issues are tied to child abuse.
Source: https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse-statistics/
***Female adult survivors of child sexual abuse are:
          *nearly three times more likely to report substance use problems.
          *more than twice as likely to report a suicide attempt.
          *more than twice as likely to suffer from depression as women who were not ..                        abused.
          *as twice as likely to be obese when compared to their non-abused peers (middle-                  aged women)
          *Are almost twice as likely to be arrested for a violent offense as the general                          population.
Note: Although survivors of child sexual abuse are negatively impacted as a whole, it is important to realize that many individual survivors do not suffer these consequences. Child sexual abuse does not necessarily sentence a victim to an impaired life.
http://www.d2l.org/site/c.4dICIJOkGcISE/b.6143427/k.38C5/Child_Sexual_Abuse_Statistics.htm

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