What do I have to share that's so important?

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When I was younger, writing came naturally. It may have to do with the way I was raised... remain in the background, do not speak unless spoken to, make no eye contact and absolutely do not show emotions or share my feelings.  So writing made sense.

I had been entertaining the idea of blogging for some time now but it was during my run today that I felt that this was something I absolutely had to do.

We, runners, come up with some insanely great ideas while running, right??  We are so productive in our minds - resolving personal issues, meal planning, remember tasks we've forgotten to do... as well as some deep, profound thoughts.  And for me,  those meal planning ideas can get pretty serious!

During my trail run today, my thoughts turned morbid.  It was a rough run.  Admit it, you've had them too!

What if there's something more to why I haven't been feeling like running lately? (Besides the fact that I'm rebounding from running injuries).
What if I have cancer too? My bio parents both passed away from cancer. I don't know much about my families' medial background but I was told that cancer ran in my family (at least on Omma's side).  Omma passed away in her 50s from breast cancer - and her mother before her.
My thoughts turned a bit more selfish.  Would anyone besides my family miss me?

WHAT WILL I LEAVE BEHIND? WHAT'S MY LEGACY?

But take a moment to really think about this.  What have you done, that will leave a mark?
Was it your compassion? Your accomplishments? Your friendships?

I've always felt a purpose in my life to help others - to counsel.

 Let me tell you, I've been through some shit.  I apologize for the language but there's really no other way to put it. I've seen and experienced trauma since I was young - it was all I grew up knowing.

I've seen many counselors and have tried handful of anti-depressants.  Everyone has their own opinion on those, but those meds did get me through some tough times. Physically - not mentally.

It wasn't until I started running that I was really able to sort all this out in my head. My relationship with God grew.  When I first started racing, I used all the pent up anger I had to push through.  Now I feel I've matured as a runner/racer as I use my past abuses as a blessing to get me through the tough times

I want to share with other SURVIVORS.  With my running and my story.  Because I believe that I wouldn't be where I am in life without running. Which is so ironic because I used to HATE running and hated hearing other people talk about running.  It made no sense why people ran.
So here I am - using running as therapy.

This blog was created to share my life with you - the good and the ugly.  I want to grow even more to be a better person. I want to face my flaws and work on them.




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